Domestic Abuse in the Church

Domestic abuse is no respecter of persons. And this silent epidemic in the church got a face when Bishop Thomas Weeks, III, beat down his televangelist wife, Prophetess Juanita Bynum, in an Atlanta parking lot in 2007.

Not Miss No More Sheets.

Yes, Miss No More Sheets. Countless Christian women are battered every day. Statistics show that one out of every four Christian couples experiences at least one episode of physical abuse within their marriage. And, unfortunately, church leaders aren’t always equipped to give women the help they need. They often suggest couples counseling, rendering the woman afraid to speak openly about her abuse.

Church members are also afraid of promoting divorce, but sometimes divorce is the inevitable end result of domestic violence. It’s unbelievable how many Christian men think they’re entitled by God to discipline and control their wives. Abusers often use Ephesians 4:22-24 to defend their actions: Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the Church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

No man has a God-given right to punish or retaliate against his wife under any condition. And a woman shouldn’t be led to think that suffering through submission will make her a better person. To allow someone to abuse you does not bring glory to God.

Quote of the Week

My Quote of the Week comes from my Twitter and FB friend (@jaygamble):

Dear David, although a giant stands in front of you hurling insults, use what God gave you and swing! The giant will fall.

Jay's quote reminded me that no matter how big my problems and situations may look, that God has not given me a spirit of fear. He has equipped me with a spirit of boldness to fight back.

Thanks Jay.

Honor Thy Father: It's a Commandment, not an Option

The Family Reunion

I remember the day like it was yesterday. We were in Dallas for a family reunion. A family reunion gone all wrong. Let's just say there were too many chiefs and not enough Indians.

It was July 1996, a few months after the death of my mother. My mother's passing had put me in contact with family members I hadn't seen or talked to much since I'd graduated high school, so I was excited about reconnecting.

My estranged husband arrived the day before me and the kids, so my father picked him up from the airport. I felt really awkward because he was living with another woman (his soon-to-be wife), and I knew we were going to be bunking together (yes, sharing the same bed) since my family wasn't aware of the pending divorce or his cohabitation conundrum.

I got through the first day by listening to my daddy fondly recall the time my ex had sent me $60 to buy maternity clothes when I was pregnant with my first child and still living at home. Sadly, more than a decade had passed since that time, and that's the only recollection my father had of him.

No respect

The following morning my stepmother knocked on our bedroom door to tell my husband that he had a phone call. It was his girlfriend. Yes, she had called my daddy's house, and I was livid because my father didn't seem to see anything wrong with this. When I got downstairs, my father and his wife, along with my stepbrothers and stepsisters were sitting in the living room laughing it up and having a good time. And I guess I was suppose to go through the next two days living a lie by pretending to be a happy little family with a man who clearly had no respect for me...OR THEM.

I refused! I packed the suitcases, piled the kids in the car, and headed north.

The Turning Point

My aunt called soon after we got on the road, so we stopped at her place. The so-called family reunion was such a debacle that my daddy and his sidekick ended up at my aunt's house too. It was a turning point in my life. I looked at them as they sat in the wing chairs that were positioned on either side of my aunt's fireplace, and I thought, here sits two men who should have provided and cared for me, and both of them had failed miserably. It was at that point that I decided that they don't owe me anything. I was no longer bitter. I was no longer resentful. And since neither of them had ever made a fuss over me, I learned how to make a fuss over myself.

They didn't owe me anything, but I did owe it to myself to set the standard for what I wanted in a mate. I decided that the next relationship I had would be based on truth, and not a lie.

Don't Block Your Blessings

People often ask me how I can speak so highly of a man who fell short as a father. Well, it's simple, I love him. 1 Corinthians 13:5 teaches us that love does not demand its own way, and it doesn't keep a record of any wrongs. I didn't keep score of the times my father wasn't there for me. All those childhood memories of what my he didn't do have been tossed into the sea of forgetfulness, and that opens me open to be a whole, healed, healthy woman.

Furthermore, I don't want to block my blessings. "Honor Thy Father..." is a commandment, not a option (Exodus 20:12). God didn't specify that I should honor my father based on what he did or didn't do for me. By choosing to be obedient to God's word, I open myself up for Him to operate exceedingly abundantly in my life.

I'm Lisa Maria Carroll, reminding you to take the brakes off God, and watch Him do exceedingly abundantly above all you can ask or think.

What Is Your Market Value?

Can I share a secret with you? I LOVE to shop. So much so, that whenever I travel, I usually carry an empty suitcase and include a trip to the mall on my itinerary. One rule I always try to keep in mind is never pay full price, because everything is negotiable and eventually goes on sale.

Recently while shopping at a high-end department store in Atlanta I noticed the store was offering an additional twenty-percent off the lowest markdown price on items that were on the clearance racks in the aisles. In true Lisa fashion, I quickly scoured those racks, looking for a great deal. But as I checked the racks for my size, I couldn't help but notice the clothes I was walking on that were carelessly scattered on the floor. Those clothes were originally priced from $100 and up, and were now on the floor being walked on and kicked around by shoppers like cheap, thrift store merchandise. I’m sure they were handled meticulously and treated with great care when they were selling at full price. But the lower selling price had somehow cheapened their value, and shoppers changed how they perceived them.

That’s the same thing that happens to us. The higher the value we place on ourselves, the better people treat us. A high sense of self-worth also results in healthy relationships.

On the other hand, there are events in life--divorce, job loss--that can knock us down and make us feel like those clothes on the floor: WORTHLESS. And when we don't feel worthy of love and respect, we tolerate being kicked around. But we're all priceless, no matter what happens to us. Even when we're down, we're not out. We must not allow ourselves to feel cheapened if our net worth decreases due to the loss of a house, car or job.

A few years ago I attended a lecture that began with the leader holding up a $20 dollar bill, and asking:

Who wants this 20 dollar bill?

Several hands went up, but the lecturer said: Before handing it over, there’s something I must do. He furiously crushed it, and asked again:
Who still wants this bill?

The hands continued raised. And what if I do this? He threw it against the wall, letting it fall to the floor, kicked it, stamped on it and again held up the bill, all dirty and crumpled.

He repeated the question, and the hands continued to be held high. "You must not ever forget this scene," said the lecturer. "No matter what I do with this money, it’ll still be a $20 dollar bill. Many times in our lives, we are crushed, stamped on, kicked, maltreated, offended; however, in spite of this, we are still worth the same."

As we must continue to trudge ahead in this economy, we must continue to look inward to define our true market value. No matter how crushed we are, we are still worth the same.

I am Lisa Maria Carroll, reminding you to take the brakes off God, and watch Him do exceedingly abundantly above all you can ask or think.

Run Your Life Into a Ditch, and Then Get Rewarded

My daughter once asked me how to get into motivational speaking. I told her, sort of tongue-in-cheek, that she could run her life into a ditch, and then write a book telling other people how not to repeat her mistakes. I tried to convince myself that I was at least half kidding, but I really wasn't.

Timing had a lot to do with my answer that day. I had just watched a news story on Walter Pavlo. Pavlo was a senior manager at MCI who oversaw the $1 billion monthly billing and collection department for MCI’s carrier finance division. In March 1996, Pavlo started a fraud scheme with someone outside of MCI. Within six months, Pavlo and his partner had stolen $6 million from seven MCI customers.



Pavlo ended up serving 22 months in prison. When he was released, no one would hire him. So he went to work as a public speaker, teaching how and why individuals commit fraud. He made six-figures his first year out the gate.

Pavlo's story is one of restoration and hope. Proverbs 24:16 says that a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief. This scripture tells us that even the righteous man comes up short sometimes. But even when we hit an all-time low, not only can we get back up, but we can get back in line. Now I'm not suggesting that anyone should set out to deliberately ruin their life. But when we fall, God, our redeemer, can deliver us from our sin AND its consequences.

I'm Lisa Maria Carroll, reminding you to take the brakes off God, and watch Him do exceedingly abundantly above all you can ask or think.

Death and Life Are in the Power of the Tongue

Words hurt.

Words can make us bitter or better. An encouraging word can make us feel like we can conquer the world. Whereas, words spoken to belittle, can make us feel like a weak worm of the dust.

When I was teen, my life was filled with the he-said, she-said drama that's usually associated with girls that age. But as I entered my late teens, I got fed up with hindering my spiritual and professional growth by spending more time worrying about other people's lives than my own, so I prayed that the Lord would bridle my tongue.

The bible warns that believers must bring restraint to their tongue. James 1:26 states that if anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this one's religion is useless. It is deceptive for any of us to think we can be effective without allowing Jesus to become Lord over our tongues.

Unfortunately, we have dismissed mouth sins as annoying habits that aren't too serious. However, when Paul wrote to the church at Rome, he sternly contended that gossipers, slanderers, and bad-mouthers were in the same league as murderers, sexual perverts, and haters of God. Furthermore, he said such sins are worthy of death. (Romans 1:28-32)

Jesus warned that our words are so important that we will be held responsible for all our words, even the careless, idle ones. Matthew 12:36-37 But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.

I still pray that same prayer today that I prayed as a teen. I want my words to edify, not condemn. It's a simple, but powerful prayer. When I use my words to uplift others, I take the brakes off God to use me.

I'm Lisa Maria Carroll, reminding you to take the brakes off God, and watch Him do exceedingly abundantly above all you can ask or think.

Homeless Teen Makes Her Mess Her Message

Victims feed their pain. Victors feed their power.

Katy Hughes and her mother Elizabeth have been living out of a car after being evicted from their apartment. In an effort to shed light on the harsh reality of homelessness, Katy started chronicling her experiences online. An aspiring writer, the 16-year-old created a blog called "Destination Anywhere But Here."

I have a saying: victims feed their pain, victors feed their power. In a time when so many people compete for victimhood, it's (somewhat) refreshing to see a young lady who has chosen to make her mess her message. This young lady is willing to risk being shunned and shamed in an effort to shed light on another one of America's dirty little secrets: homelessness. How many of us are willing to do the same?

We all have the power to choose to be pitiful or powerful. We can allow the less than pleasant situations in our lives to make us bitter or better. We can bury our heads in shame or walk upright in hopes of helping someone else.

God has not given us a spirit of fear, so we must not fear what others will think of us if we tell our testimony. And when we tell it, we need to give the raw, undiluted, unpolluted, unadulterated version.

Dr. Maya Angelou has taken drugs and written about it. She was a madam for lesbian prostitutes. She was a teenage mom. And she tried prostitution. When asked why she chose to write about those things, she replied:

I mean if you happen to fall into the gutter, see where you are and admit it. As soon as you admit it you can be like the prodigal son, the prodigal daughter: get up and go to a safe place. Get up and go to someplace where your spirit is not kicked and brutalized, and your body misused and abused. Get up! But you can't get up unless you see where you are and admit it.

I wrote about my experiences because I thought too many people tell young folks, "I never did anything wrong. Who, Moi? Never I! I have no skeletons in my closet! In fact I have no closet!" They lie like that, and then young people find themselves in situations and they think, "Damn, I must be a pretty bad guy. You know, my mom or dad never did anything wrong, so I'm pretty bad," and they can't forgive themselves and go on with their lives.

Dr. Angelou also said that if she doesn't tell the truth, she hasn't helped anybody. In my continued effort to take the brakes off God and allow Him to use me, I pray that I can continue to be real, even when it's unpleasant.

I'm Lisa Maria Carroll, reminding you to take the brakes off God and watch Him do exceedingly abundantly above all you can ask or think.

The Power of Association and the Transference of Spirits

"Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character." ~I Corinthians 15:33

The new year brings about a time of reflections, renewal and resolving to make changes. As we reflect on the many highs of 2008, in preparation for the greatness of 2009, let's be mindful of our associations.

The company we keep can build us up or tear us down. I Corinthians 15:33 teaches us that bad company corrupts good character. Hanging with the wrong crowd can put us on a slippery slope to doing the wrong things, or in some cases, doing nothing at all, leaving us stuck mentally, physically or emotionally.

But, the converse of that is true as well. Surrounding ourselves with people who have forward momentum, ambition, strong moral character and a desire to do what’s right cause us to want to do right.

Last April I attended my childhood pastor's retirement celebration in my hometown of Kankakee, IL. It was a church family reunion for Pastor Copeland and First Lady's spiritual sons, daughters, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. I was surrounded by people that I hadn't seen in more than 20 years, who are now pastors, preachers, evangelists, business professionals, educators, and community leaders. Being in the presence of so many people who embody the ideals and teachings that Pastor Copeland not only taught, but lived, emboldened me to strengthen my spiritual walk and be ALL that God wants me to be. It's amazing how being in the company of people who are living their dreams and walking in light will cause you to want the same for yourself.

These principles hold true in business/professional networks as well. I have some colleagues who energize me, while others deplete me. Therefore, I limit the time I spend with the dream stealers.

So, let’s touch and agree to associate with people who have our best interest at hand. Let’s surround ourselves with people who make us want to be better.

I'm Lisa Maria Carroll, reminding you to take the brakes off God and watch Him do exceedingly abundantly above all you can ask or think.